Statute of Freakin' Frauds!

Today was my contracts midterm. It was nothing like the other final. It was short, sweet, and I left feeling great. I felt great all the way up until I realized the enormous issue I just completely left out. I never even mentioned the statute of frauds! The freaking statute of frauds! My omission was so blatant, it's as if the statute of frauds doesn't even exist. Sale of goods over $500.00, no signed writing, Damn it! Whatever though. I can't let it get to me. I definitely caught every other issue, the main one being the fact that there was no offer or acceptance in the first place meaning that there was no contract. After all, how can a contract fall under the statute of frauds when there isn't even a contract? It can't! Still, you have to mention everything.

I must say it's all very disturbing, especially because it's not like I don't know the stuff, I just didn't put it in. I totally know about it. They call me Mr. Statute of Frauds. I have a t-shirt that says it. Also, this exam business is nothing like the real world. First of all it was two hours and covered a lot of issues. Would a firm really be happy with me if I only spent two hours dealing with so many issues, especially when I'm supposed to be billing like 2000 hours a year? I don't think so. If this was the real world, I would have done my work and then been like, "Hey Bob, I think I covered all the issues here, what do you think?" and Bob would be like, "Maybe throw in statute of frauds?" and I'd be like, "Of course! Statute of frauds. Duh! They call me Mr. Statute of Frauds. I have a t-shirt that says it." Then, I'd put it in and go to court. The judge would be like, "Statute of frauds, shmatute of frauds. There's no contract to begin with. Get outta here." And I'd be like, "I know your honor, but you've got to mention everything right?" And he'd be like, "That's right. You were taught well my friend."

Whatever. It is what it is. I feel really good about the rest of the exam and know that I should be alright.

In other news, the post-exam debauchery organized by Senator Schachter was a huge success. The party started at noon and probably is still happening for some. Personally, I've left the city for the weekend. Oh yeah, and I touched dog poop with my bare hand this morning. Yeah. Gross. I went to pick up the paper in front of my door and found that the Times added a new section to the Thursday edition. Anything to drum up new business I suppose. Either I have an enemy or several extraordinarily unfortunate coincidences took place in front of my door early this morning. Have a happy Fourth.

My First Exam

I had my first law school exam yesterday. It was for elements of law which was an easy class all summer, so I wasn't too worried about it. I figured I'd go in, bang it out, and be on my way. I was wrong. Now, I am getting older, so changing body conditions are to be expected. My cholesterol or blood pressure may rise. My metabolism will slow, I'll gain a little weight, get a little heartburn. I didn't, however, expect all these things to happen simultaneously in the midst of an exam. I came in a confident young man and left a miserable old man soaked in sweat and suffering from PTSD. You can't tell, but I just stopped typing for twenty minutes while I dealt with a test day flashback.

I don't know why I had this occurrence. I've taken plenty of tests including the LSAT. I've performed for audiences as large as 4000. How bad could a 2 credit elements of law exam be?

The anxiety didn't happen immediately. After reading through the test, I put together some thoughts and started to type. Notice, I said type. We do all the exams on our laptops. You install software on your computer and when it's running, it locks down your system like a safe. The only thing you can access is the exam itself. And while the computer is the only thing that's really locked down, it feels like your body is too. Cuffs shoot out of the desk and chair securing your wrists and ankles into place. You're bound to a chair with access to nothing while a clock stares back from your screen ticking every second. Right below the clock is the word counter that jumps 10-15 words with every sentence. So there I sit, chained to my chair, staring at the countdown of time and the count-up of words.

The test consisted of a fact pattern about an old lady whose house collapsed from erosion caused by a burst pipe below the foundation. She wants to collect insurance to get the house fixed, but the insurance company says, "Sorry, your house fell, but it didn't 'collapse.' We only cover for collapse." The trial court said, as a matter of law, that the house did collapse. The company appealed and now I'm the clerk to the judge in the appellate court and have to say if the lower court was right or wrong by deciding that the house collapsed as a matter of law rather than a matter of fact which would require a jury to determine. There's way more facts in there but that's the gist. Then, I had eight cases from plenty of different courts about claimants and insurance companies, some involving "collapse" others not. I also had the actual insurance policy and a couple of pertinent statutes. Hang on, I'm having another flashback.

I started to type and deleted everything I wrote several times. Perhaps even many times. By the time I started to feel myself getting into a zone, I was at three hours and 15 minutes. I only had four hours and that's when I learned about acid reflux. I typed away thinking, "Are you freaking kidding me!?" every time someone else would finish and leave.

I finally finished up with about ten minutes left, proofread my work, and got out of there. I think I did okay, but really have no idea. I discussed it with a few others. We were all on the same page, so that's good, unless of course, the people I spoke with are just the other people who have no idea what they're talking about. We'll see. I'm glad it's over. I definitely learned a lot. I now know what it's like to take a law school exam, what it's like to have adrenaline injected straight into your heart, and what stomach acid tastes like. Yesterday I had three gray hairs, today I have 13. This is what's it's like to be President! Can't wait to do it all again on Thursday.

My Life as a Politician

Life in student government isn't easy. I want to please everyone, but that just isn't possible. In the end, I'm forced to go with my gut. I have to do what I believe deep down is the right thing. That's why I have ordered an air strike on Fordham Law. Their dean is a tyrant and the students want him out. Plenty of my fellow classmates are like, "Don't do it. Don't do it. It's not our business." And I just have to tell them, "Hey. I'm the Senator. You voted for me. Shut up." Some of them are all like, "You just want to do it because they put you on the wait list." And again, I'm forced to tell them, "NO! That has NOTHING to do with it! I'm doing it for the safety of you and your children." "We don't have children." "Shut up!" So yeah, it's tough.

Really though, our problems aren't so serious. I organized a bar outing for us all to drink immediately following our contracts exam next week. Most people are on board with the Noon start time, but there are dissenters who want to start later. As far as I can tell, starting at Noon and continuing indefinitely gives everyone a chance to start when they want. Those who want to start early can, and those who want to start later can come when they're ready. If we started at five or ten, what would happen to the people who wanted to start at Noon? I think it's a pretty good plan and hopefully people will recognize that and say, "Ya know what, that Jeremy is one fine Senator."

In other news, I have spent the last 30 hours or so perfecting what is probably the greatest contracts outline ever created. Take a look at that organization. Each tab is a chapter and at the beginning of each chapter is its outline. Then I have all the cases paper clipped together providing me with seamless location abilities. So, even though I probably won't refer to the actual case, If I want to, I can with ease. You probably have no idea what I'm talking about. Let's just say my outline is like driving with a GPS versus one of those maps you get at the gas station that was printed way before the construction began. So picture me driving in a car as I hear a soothing, lady, computer voice say, "Turn right on Caspi versus Microsoft, chapter 13." Then I vroom past the guy with the map and the map blows up in his face and he swerves off the road, but don't worry, he's okay.

I still may only get a C, but at least it'll be the Senator's C and I'll drink to it at Noon.

Senator Schachtor

About one week ago, I launched an historic campaign for the Student Bar Association's (SBA) senate. Each law school section elects a senator to serve their interests and yesterday was our section's election. I won, but it was no easy feat. The competition from Harry Kastenbaum and Andrew Levine was fierce and although the actual numbers are not released, I have no doubt the race was a close one. Let's take a quick moment to look at the candidate's names side by side shall we: Schachter, Kastenbaum & Levine. Tell me that's not a firm waiting to happen. Anyway, following the writing of platforms, brief impromptu speeches, and a last ditch email I sent to the whole class, I was able to pull it off.

While the rest of this post can be read on its own, it is best appreciated to the sounds of this strange fellow in shorts playing Pomp & Circumstance on the organ-(right click and open link in a new window) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=trSKP_rjSbM

Now, I will go to work combating the issues that matter most (pause) like the exorbitant cost of printing and its inefficient operation (pause). You would think that with annual tuition costs rivaling the annual salary of most Americans (pause) we'd get better printing prices than can be found at Kinkos (pause), but oh no my friends (pause), we do not (pause)! You would think that with annual tuition costs higher than a down payment on a very fine home (pause), we would have access to better technology than can be found in the school Joe Clark pricipal'd in Lean on Me (pause), but oh no my friends (pause), we do not! So as we must determine in every case we read in class (pause), what is the take-away here (pause)? What have we learned today that we can apply down the road as law (pause)? Two things my friends (pause). One, Morgan Freeman is one heck of an actor (pause) and two (pause), I'm on it class (pause) and you can rest assured (pause), I will work towards (pause) and achieve (pause) our collective goals. God bless you (pause). And God bless law school.

17 Hours

17 hours can be a lot of different things to a lot of different people. For a teenager or senior citizen, it's how many hours a week they put in at Wal-Mart. For a speed freak, it's how many hours in a row that they've been up. For me, it's how long I spent in the library this weekend. 48 hours in a weekend: 17 studying, 16 sleeping, 5 travelling, showering, shaving, etc, and 10 divided equally between Facebook and beer. Not a bad weekend all around.

17 hours seems crazy right? That's what I thought too, but everyone's doing it. People are always still in the library when I leave and all these thoughts run through my head, "I wonder what they're doing. Are they catching something I'm missing? Maybe I should stay and read supplemental materials. Are they on Facebook? Oh, they're on Myspace. Who still uses Myspace?"

If you don't know already, your first year grades are tremendously important. Everyone in the class is ranked against one another. It's a war. The professor doesn't just give an A to a good exam. They look at all the exams and say these are the best ten and those ten get As. Then the next however many get Bs and so on. In other words, someone can write a great exam that may have been an A in another class or on a different day, but because everyone is so smart, maybe they only get a B or even worse a C! So, you freak out thinking about this stuff and everyone walks around acting like Jesse Spano in Saved by the Bell when she took those pills and sang "I'm so excited! I'm so excited! I'm so....scared!"

It's worth freaking out over though. These grades are directly related to the job you get after graduation. The better the grades, the better the job. The better the job, the more money and let's be serious, that's why I'm here in the first place. Mean green baby! I'm going to open a firm called Schachter Banks. People will call and say in an English accent, "Yes, hello, may I please speak with Banks?" and the receptionist will say in a Bronx accent, "I'm sorry there is no Banks. That's just what Schachter does. He banks. Schachter banks." Anyway, a C student can still make a great living after graduation. It's just easier if you do well. Not to keep making the doctor analogy, but do you want to hire the doctor who got Cs or the one who got As? So, that's why I spent 17 hours in the library this weekend and why as I write this, I begin to think that it wasn't enough. "Should I be writing at all? I should be studying. Dominos breadbowl pasta is delicious! I wonder if I can get paid for saying that in my blog. I mean, I really think it, but I wonder if I can get paid for it somehow too. I should be studying."

Lost

I wish this post was about the TV show. Law school is hard. It's not like anything I've ever done before. We are fully entrenched now and, as evidenced by my less frequent writing, it's getting a little nuts. So many difficult concepts are being thrown at us so fast. Then, just when you think you've got it, you don't. There is no one right answer to anything. It could go in any number of directions depending on the judge, the jurisdiction, the time, whatever. It's our job to know every possible direction it could go in, in every scenario. Contract law, in particular, is out of control. I have no idea how people are able to do business in this country.

I will say this though, despite the bad rap lawyers get, a good one is worth every penny. They really have valuable information that most people just don't have the time to acquire. A good lawyer is no joke. It's a valuable skill like being a doctor, but better, because you don't have to touch people. I was thinking about that on a recent trip to the doctor's office. It must be gross to be a doctor. I'm sure some patients, like myself and the readers of this blog, are a pleasure to examine, but there are some extremely disgusting people out there who also need medical care. They're all over the subway. And on the subway, at least most of the time, they're dressed and without sickness. If one of those people has some sort of undesirable virus or growth, some poor doctor has to check it out all up close. Yikes. No thank you. I'll bet that's the reason for a lot of medical malpractice suits. The doctors just get grossed out. They're like, "Oh God, forget it. I can't finish." and the nurse is like, "Doctor, we're right in the middle of surgery." and the doctor says "Whatever. It's gross, it smells, enough. Sew em up, I'm outta here." Then it goes to court and the nasty patient and the doctor both need a good lawyer. Maybe that's the law I'll get into. I'll defend the doctor. "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. Look at this person. Disgusting! Could you have examined them all up close properly? Of course not! If the patient is filthy, the doctor's not guilty!"

Someday, I'll make it out of this law school abyss and be able to coin Johhnie Cochranesque phrases such as that one. Someday.

What About This? Well What About That!?

Often, when you ask someone a question, they will give you an answer. You say, "Excuse me, where's the grocery store?" and they say, "Two blocks down on the right." You say, thank you and move on. Not in law school. Here you can ask the same question, "Excuse me, where's the grocery store?" and the professor will say, "Well you tell me. Where is the grocery store? And what kind of groceries do they have?" and I say, "Ohhh." And I starve to death because I don't know where to get any groceries. Still, we all think the professor is brilliant and talk to each other in the same nonsensical question only format. We're like a bunch of crazy people. "What about this?" "What about that!?" "Ohhh. Good one!"

Despite the weirdness, it's awesome. I haven't figured out why just yet, but there's this feeling in the air that everything we're doing is profoundly meaningful. We're solving major dilemmas here. Sure, they've already been solved, but for us, it's the first time. Little kids are drowning or losing legs while they're trespassing on someone else's property and we have to figure out if they're owed anything. Are they? What do you think? If it's 1897 and a kid trespasses onto someone else's land where there's a pond and then drowns in the pond, is the landowner liable? What if it's not a pond, but some sort of machinery and the kid loses his leg from playing on it? Are those situations the same or different? This is important stuff to figure out. I can actually answer these questions in 1897. Today, no. 1897, Bring it.